There is only one, truly essential, item for everyday carry – the titanium spork.
I’ve carried Swiss army knives. I’ve carried ultra slim pocket torches. I’ve carried multi-function karabiners and speciality laser cut metal cards. But only one everyday carry item has actually been with me every day. The titanium spork.
When I’ve moved house, it’s been my only piece of cutlery, my only kitchen utensil. It’s saved me from many a missed opportunity to enjoy a yoghurt. I can choose whatever meal deal I like; I don’t worry about fragile plastic cutlery running out. I suffer English cafes forgetting a teaspoon with my cappuccino, and eat foam on my own dime.
There is a black sheep in the spork family; the plastic cousin. It’s flimsy, brightly coloured and just the right thickness to make you feel like a child learning how to use cutlery again. To understand and love a spork is to use it in its purest form – titanium. The practicalities of the design are clear in thin metal. The knife actually cuts. The spoon, a delight to put on your tongue. The fork, supportive. Dare I say, metal brings the titanium spork something its plastic cousin lacks: class.
90% of a Swiss army knife’s life is in your pocket. The other 10% it cuts slices of apples on a picnic, opens bottles in house parties, or, very rarely and only ever performatively, un-corks a bottle of wine. Because if you’ve splurged on corked wine, you will, of course, be without an appropriate tool in your hand. God forbid you take a minute to find a waiter’s friend in the cupboard, when you have a neat little pocket knife, actually, and it’s no bother to flip out the corkscrew and uncork the bottle. The bottle is held between the sommelier’s knees, as all good wines should be, as they break the cork into tiny bits that float around in your glass, taunting you with what could have been.
Stop lying to yourself. You don’t need that extra wood-saw fold out in your penknife. The pliers on your Walkman are for a different person, not you. You won’t use the seatbelt cutter on your trusty torch, because you’ll have left it in your bag. Acknowledge that you are simpler than you’d wish. Treat yourself to a pot of yoghurt whenever you want.
Buy a titanium spork; you won’t regret it.