If you were to look up right now, you’d see two cranes disappear behind a grey cloud. You wouldn’t, however, see those cranes dangling some rather heavy bundles from their beaks, and that they were none too happy about it, either.
“I don’t know what to tell you, man, I think this one’s broken,” the smaller of the two cranes landed on top of the cloud with a soft bump. To prove his point, he shook his head and the white bundle in his beak banged from side to side like clothes in a dryer.
“Woah woah woah, don’t do that!” The other crane flapped his wings to land beside his friend and snapped the bundle from his beak. “You silly bastard, you’ll kill the little one.”
“It’s fine, honestly; this one’s so quiet. They normally lose their minds in the air. But no, today I’ve had silence the whole time. Not that I’m complaining…”
“The little guy’s probably a calm one, y’know, destined to be a diplomat or something. If he’s still alive, that is…” The larger crane adjusted the heavy bundle to hang from his beak in a way that let would him continue to berate his friend; he suspected this ability may be essential in the immediate future.
“Or girl.”
“What?”
“Or girl. You said this little guy, the little one could be a girl, y’know…”
“Oh, stop that, you know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t, we just drop them off. Can’t make assumptions…” The crane was briefly smug, before he looked back at his friend for reassurance, “Do you really reckon they’re just chill?”
“Yeah, or stupid; either works. You’ve really gotta be gentler, though.” He lowered his long neck down and softly placed the bundle on the cloud between them.
“Should it be making that sound?”
“What sound?” Said the crane.
“You know, those little clacks? When you put it down, I definitely heard something…”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, you probably broke the poor guy’s” he shot a look as he undid the folds of the bundle “OR GIRL’S, arm when you…”
A meticulously gathered pile of stones spilled out from the folds of the bundle. They slowly rolled around for a moment in front of the cranes, as if to taunt them, before they came to a mocking standstill. The cranes looked at the stones, then each other, then at the stones again. The smaller crane gave one a poke. Nope, still not a baby.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah, fuck.”
“They’ve pulled a fast one on us!”
“Oh, you think?”
“Yeah, those are rocks.”
“I CAN SEE THAT!” the crane cawed. He moved his head around in disbelief, trying to see if a different angle revealed a rock and baby based optical illusion. No such luck.
“Ah balls, if you can see it too then I’m not dreaming” the crane brought his wing to his forehead “Where’s the fucker gone?”
“Okay let’s not panic. Think back; when did you last put the bundle down?”
“Oh, yeah, you’re so right, let me just think back to when I was abandoning the one job I’ve been put on this planet to do and started my career as an aerial rock collector. Yes, now you mention it, I remember exactly. It was over there, let me just…” the crane turned around as if he was about to launch into flight. His friend looked over and was slapped with a full wing. “I didn’t lose the fucker, he escaped!”
“Or she.”
“Don’t be smug. How the hell did they manage that? I mean, I had eyes on the whole time!”
“Did you do your pre-flight checks?”
“Always man, always. You know I don’t mess about with that shit. I take my work seriously.” It was true, and all the cranes knew it. He’d gathered a reputation among them as being particularly aloof, which for a species of bird whose main descriptive adjective is “vertical”, is quite the achievement.
“I know, I know. What about during wrapping, the angels give you any warning then?”
“Nada, they said it was a standard bundle job. Run of the mill, no special requests.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah, and those guys know their stuff.”
“That they do. You hear about that bundle job in Bethlehem a while back?”
“No?”
“Wrapped him so good people thought he was a god.”
“Damn, those guys are good.”
“Yeah,” the cranes stood around scratching their heads, thinking of what to do next. “Where the fuck is this goddamn baby?”
On another cloud not that far away, a baby who would one day grow up to become Darren Brown was chewing on a loose feather, giggling.